IRKENS

Irkens By Skyler P

An Irken is a type of alien from the hit television series "Invader Zim",created by Jhonen Vasquez.The Irkens live n Irk,a planet so far from ours,it took Zim six months to get here!The Irkens have one main goal:universal domination.To reach this goal,Irk has special missions they organize each year,this year named "Impending Doom Two".The previous mission was named "Impending doom One",and was foiled by Invader Zim.Zim was a bit too eager to rule an enemy planet,so he forgot to actually leave Irk before destroying a large chunk of the planet.Speaking of invaders,an invader is one of the jobs on a long list an Irken may chooseAn invader has the crucial job of observing the enemy planet for weaknesses and strengths,making it vulnerable to the Irken armada.But you don't just get to be an invader.You must spend seventy Earth years training,then you must take a difficult test.If you are chosen to be an Invader by the tallest,you will receive a S.I.R. unit,or standard issue information retrieval unit.Since The Almighty Tallest were mentioned before,they are the leaders of the Irken empire.Whenever a new leader is required,all the Irkens will gather and elect a new one.The tallest is required to be a certain height.If two candidates are tied,they will rule together.The tallest is the "control brain",and keeps everything in order.The current tallest were elected so quickly because Zim's horribly destructive monster consumed tallest Miyuki while checking up on an invader.Tallest Spork was eaten as well;exactly a day after being elected.The current tallest are tallest Purple and Red.They're supposed to do their job,but mostly they just lay around being lazy,and are pampered like Siamese cats.The tallest have helpers,specifically called messengers,that give them important news flashes that come in at any given time.They wear long cloaks/robes,and wear their pak on their chest instead of their back.Another assistants of the tallest are the the security guards.They keep the meeting room safe when it's being used.They fly around on hovercrafts and with jet packs.They may also toss an unwanted Irken out the air lock if commanded to do so by the tallest.They use a device similar to one used at an airport,which allows them to see through to the Irken's bones as well.Though with all the important jobs,there are some that aren't that great.Take Bob's job for example.He works restlessly around the clock serving food at a hang out,making only five monies every two years.Another job that would stink to have would be a fast food fry cook at Fry Lord.The employees at Fry Lord work for Sizzlorr,an Irken who was banished by the tallest to Foodcornia,the planet of fried food.

Before I spoke of paks.A pak is a device that includes a wide range of appliances that help to conquer an enemy planet,such as retractable legs that enable the power to climb any obstacle that gets in the way.But the pak is also important to survival of the Irken.The pak is filled with memory,intelligence,and personality.Irkens have paks because without them,their brain bower quickly begins to drain.Without a pak for ten minutes or more,the Irken would die.

The pak is inserted at birth.It is connected to the spine with two metal cords,but it can be removed and replaced.Irkens are cloned now.They used to be born sexually,but the tallest just decided it would be easier to clone them.Irkens have but three organs:The brain,the heart,and the squeedilyspooch.The squeedilyspooch is an organ that substitutes for our other organs [liver,bladder,etc.]Irkens have squarish heads with green skin,and have no ears or noses.Oddly,they can still smell.Instead of hair,Irkens have antennas.They use their antennas as sound receivers,or ears.Theory suggests if you lightly tap the antennae,it will either hurt,or it feels good.In an episode of Invader Zim,G.I.R. touched Zim's antenna,and he squirmed uncomfortably away.Although he showed more signs of comfort then distress.Irkens have bug eyes,and apparently,they are removable.In the episode of Invader Zim "Planet Jackers",Zim's eye was forcefully blown out,and he put it back in his head with no signs of distress whatsoever.Since Zim wear's contacts as part of his desguise,and they move as human eyes do,that proves their eyes do move around.Irken eyes come in only a few colors:red,seems to be the most popular.Purple is second most common.Green is third most common.And the rarest is a pale brown.According to the episodes "Bolognious Maximous" and "Lice",Irkens have green blood,and square blood cells.Irkens have tongues that bear a great resembelence to Earth worms,and teeth that are simalir to zippers.

Irkens are allergic to water and Earth meat.When they come in contact with either,their body starts smoking,and they scream like little girls.Though it seems the toxins in the water give them the most trouble,because Zim has been sprayed with other liquids,and he had no reaction.While working at Frylord's,Zim held some meat at one point,but it didn't hurt him.That was either because it was Irken meat,or it was in a paper bag.

There isn't much of a difference between a boy and girl Irken.A girl will usually have curlier antennas,and they have large eyelashes.Though the girl will always have a higher pitched voice.

Now I have given you information on Irk,so prepare for the invasion!Mua ha ha ha ha ha!